Sorry,Sammy
by DeangirlSam1212
Summary: A hunt goes wrong when Dean becomes a victim and has to choose to either end it all or save himself. Can Sam save him in time or will Dean die trying to save the town. Rated T just in case Hurt!Sick!Dean Protective!Sam
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

He's Fine

Sam sat on the end of his bed, waiting for Dean to make his reappearance out of the bathroom.

He hummed a song that was stuck in his head after the seemingly long drive from the bar they had stopped at on the way back to the motel yesterday.

A sound from the bathroom caused him to subtly quiet his hum. When the noise came again Sam silenced himself to confirm what he thought he heard. The bellowing roar almost inaudible through the bathroom door.

Worry brought him to knock on it "Dean, you okay," he asked wearily and was answered with the sonancy of retching. "Dean?" Sam opened the door to find his big brother crouched over the toilet with shaky hands pressed to the frame.

As he stepped into the room he was met with more vomiting from Dean.

Sam ran to his brother.

"Are you okay?"

"Yea, I'm…" he was interrupted by another heave that shook his whole body.

"I'm fine… Just drank a little to much I guess."

Sam sat back. Abashed at the fact that instead of making some smart-ass remark he just strait out gave him reason.

It was bad.

Sam rubbed his back in comforting circles.

He noticed how warm Dean felt underhand and raised his hand to his forehead just to be sure.

"Dude, you are burning up," Sam fretted, getting up to retrieve the thermometer from the first aid kit.

"Sam, I told you I'm fine,"

he said before a coughing fit racked his body, not helping his case at all.

"I wish you were Dean," Sam breathed putting the stick beneath his brother's tongue.

"I AM!" Dean puffed in frustration.

Pulling the thermometer out Sam looked at it and sighed "Because 102.5 is fine Dean."

Then he helped Dean up and guided him towards the bed.

When they got there Dean pushed Sam's hands off his shoulders and plopped down on his stomach and then rotating onto his back.

Dean's head hung with exhaustion.

Sam closed his eyes and breathed slowly.

Something was seriously wrong.

His brother never usually gave in this easily.

"Sam?" Dean whispered. His voice full of fear and confusion.

"Sammy?"

Sam's eyes flicked open to look at Dean's, cloudy and grey.

"Sammy, no don't go. Don't go."

His sick brother looked around wildly.

"Dean, I'm right here…"

"Don't leave me! Sam, wait, I don't feel good."

Dean's head swung around to gaze horrifyingly at something only he could see.

"Dean, what! I'm here, I am right here," he franticly yelled. Urging him to respond While shaking his shoulders.

"No. No. NOO! Stop. Please. Sam, please help me!" Dean pleaded, tightly clenching the blanket with his fists.

Dean's whimpers quickly turned to screams as blood spurted from his mouth.

His eyes rolled up and he fell forward into Sam's arms.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The Animal that Runs Inside You

Dean woke to tiles racing above his head and, urgent muffled voices filling his ears.

He looked over to see the stretcher that wobbled beneath him as they rushed down a hallway that seemed to last for eternity.

Wouldn't take a genius to figure out that he was in a freaking hospital.

When he finally settled in his room he got a wind of a "Sir?"

The rumble of words uttered surprise and bemusement.

Dean turned his head to find the voices owner putting something in his I.V.

His sight shaded with murkiness and early nightfall.

"What did you do?" His question splattered like paint on a canvas.

"Dean, it's just Xanax, it will help you calm down."

Sam's reassuring tone held muted fear and angst inside its contents.

"Sam, I know what freaking Xanax is. Don't waste your damn breath," he grumbled at an attempt to make things sound normal.

He failed.

While Sam chuckled he almost instantly threw a serious countenance and pasted it on his face. "Everything is going to be fine, I promise."

Sam placed a hand on the back of Deans neck.

"I know Sammy," he sighed and let the darkness of unconsciousness take him and bury him in sleep.

Next time wakefulness found him his head was pounding along with throbbing legs, shoulder and aching feet.

His hand automatically went to his head and came back sticky with blood.

"Damn what happened," he asked the empty air. Not really expecting an answer which is why he started when a low hum mumbled

"I don't know Dean no one does."

Dean glanced over to pinpoint Sam hunched over in a chair.

Eyes bloodshot and carried bags under their hazel wonder.

He had a bandage on his arm with red showing through.

"Sam?

Are you okay?" He leaned over when a silver glitter caught his eye and aimed it towards the floor below.

A small knife was lying on the ground, completely covered in blood.

He found it was nearly exactly in line with a blood soaked hand he had hanging off the bed.

Dean looked at Sam with so much horror and disbelief it was pitiful.

"Did I do that to you?" He heard himself murmur quietly.

Sam looked at him with hesitation and deep guilt.

"Sammy? Did I hurt someone,"

His whisper and little louder then before.

Then Dean noticed the woman.

She stood behind Sam's chair and bore a such serene expression it relaxed him a little as well.

It was the one who put him in this damn hospital in the first place.

Her shimmering blue eyes were so profound, so pure.

So unnatural.

A long sea blue dress guided down to the cold floor.

Black hair that floated to her waist flowed in a breeze that wasn't there.

"When you tire and fold your inner animal is unleashed and comes out to play with the knife, twisted deep in your soul.

It will play until you break and your heart can no longer go on and take the weight."

Her voice left the tables around him trembling like frightened deer caught in the headlights.

Sam got up and stared at Dean with astonishment.

"Dean?" His voice was questioning and on the verge of panic.

"And with each passing bout I possess more of you then your spirit can manage.

You will crumble.

You will bleed.

You will burn."

With that her eyes flashed and blended to gold and she lunged at him.

He felt something trickle down his chin.

A black cloud drifted at the edge of his vision.

Tiredness blew into his chest and his eyelids drooped.

"DEAN!" Was the last thing he heard as he faded into oblivion.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Fantastic!

Sam watched as Dean rapidly rolled away from him.

His finger tips, which hadn't left the top of the stretcher for the last 30 minutes,

fell off the cool metal corner of the bed where the paper didn't touch. A doctor who had slid in front of him, preventing him from guarding his brother's body while he was sick.

"We need to treat him first, you will be able to see him in a mom…"He didn't wait for the man's words to cease as he pushed the doctor aside.

He needed to get to Dean.

Sam trailed along behind Dean until he saw his sibling's feet disappear into a room at the end of the yawning hallway.

Practically stumbling the whole length to his brothers new home for the next few days.

When he failed to calm himself Sam walked in anyway, just in time to see the doctor putting medicine in his I.V.

Dean's placidness was almost tangible, he tried to feed of his brother's bland expression.

Envying his complete control when he new just how terrified he really was.

Then he answered for the doctor when Dean asked "What did you do?" his voice blended but still the calmness stayed. He was close to sounding unconcerned.

"Dean, it's just Xanax.

It will help you calm down," though he didn't know if he could get any calmer then he already was.

"Sam, I know what freaking Xanax ix. Don't waste your damn breath," Dean mumbled grumpily. Sam knew he was trying to make it easier for him.

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

A laugh started to worm its way to his heart but stopped himself, remembering where he was and why he was here.

"Everything is going to be fine, I promise."

"Dean's gaze softened and he sighed "I know," his eyes drooped heavily and closed.

And as soon as his breath evened out into sleep he twitched and his eyes flew open, revealing a pair of golden colored snake eyes.

Not that brilliant green he knew so well.

"Dean?" He stepped back as Dean turned over on the stretcher and crouched on his hands and knees.

Head swaying, and eyes flicking up and down his body.

Sizing him up.

His brother arched his back and hissed when Sam's foot inched closer.

Dean's jaws held two fangs as long as a tiger's.

He suddenly grew haunches and leaped.

Teeth bared and his hands [now paws],that carried five giant claws in each one, aimed at his throat.

Sam dodged the death blow but suffered from the claws that pierced and ripped the skin at his arm.

He bit back a yowl of pain, not wanting to bring any attention.

It would be complicated to have to explain why his brother now looked more like a rabid cat then human. Even harder since he didn't have any clue himself.

Dean wiggled his haunches and growled when Sam lifted his head.

The tiny knives clanked on the floor as he padded in circles around him.

Mumbling things that didn't have anything to do with what was happening.

It sounds like Dean.

Dean reached down into his boot that somehow was still managing to hang off his hind paws and pulled out the small apical blade that his shoe always burdened.

He flung himself at Sam once again. Dean was clumsy on his big paws and ended in only nicking his cheek.

Sam spun around and banged his brother in the head before he could turn to lash out again.

Dean fell to the ground with a thump.

Guilt danced in his throat. Fluttering it's butterfly wings.

Sam gently raised Dean into his arms and placed him back on the stretcher.

He went to dress his wounds with the material that lay scattered on the tables surrounding the head of his brother's bed.

Sam still dripped over the hate that had stared intensely back at him.

Sam glanced over his shoulder to see Dean had returned back to normal.

A nurse came in to check on them.

Her brows a reddish mesh beneath her bangs.

"Everything alright?"

He shifted his feet and levered his head up.

Smiling he forced out a nearly cheerful

"It's fantastic!"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Sleep

Incredible pain snagged at his heart and lased up his chest.

He tried to force one painful breath into his lungs, through the almost unbearable pressure on his ribcage.

Coming to Dean met black and a sense of claustrophobia led panic out into the open.

"Help," his voice barely came out as a whisper.

"Help. Sam!" Dean's cry wasn't any louder then the last time.

If not quieter.

Well, must have been enough because a hoarse "Dean?" caught his ear from his left.

He bid turning his head towards that direction but was given a head bash against whatever he was beneath.

His head began to pound causing an involuntary pule to escape his lips.

"Dean!" Sam almost yelled. Frantic and desperate breaths made him try again.

This time he made the turn and was rewarded with a severely crushed nose.

Dean moaned and a tear trickled down his cheek.

"Sa-," he broke off, a coughing fit bringing blood up to stain the wooden floor where the light bleached.

"Oh, God," Sam gasped.

That's comforting.

He jerked and his mouth managed to send a quivering fear drenched yelp. The sound brought his brother's consoling "Dean, It's okay. I'm coming," he heard the footsteps get closer.

It should have been comforting but for some reason it scared him.

He started pushing on the weight that made it so hard to breath.

Hysteria started to rise from its grave deep within his soul.

He raised it above the ground only for it to be slammed right back onto his chest.

Dean screeched as he felt something snap inside of him.

His scream sent a shock wave raging through his body.

A whimper shivered out of him with every exhale.

The black weight dissolved off him and light blinded him.

Without even meaning to Dean felt himself cry.

He felt so lost, so alone.

He just wanted to crawl up in a hole and die.

Dean lifted himself up and saw his hands and realized he was shaking very badly.

He was raised by warm arms and pressed against a body.

When he saw Sam's visage he closed his eyes tightly.

Shaking even harder.

"Shh, Dean, shhhh. It's okay." Sam's voice soothed him.

Sammy, what's wrong with me I'm scared.

Dean snuggled closer to Sam, nuzzling his chest, trying to get closer, trying to hide from the fear and loneliness that gripped his heart.

He began to sob.

"Dean, it's alright. Ssshhh it's okay.

God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He felt tears drop wetly into his hair.

Why is he apologizing.

He nuzzled deeper, the whimpering abating to nothing.

"Come on Dean lets go," Sam started to rise.

Dean only held on tighter.

"Dean, lets go."

He whined a small frightened whine.

"Dean?"

He looked up at Sam's face and the buried his in Sam's shirt under his chin.

"Can you walk?" Sam asked.

He sounds confused.

Dean grunted in agony as a simple flinch caused searing pain to sever his body.

His little brother sighed roughly as he picked Dean up, who was still clinging on as if drowning.

He was carried outside to the Impala.

Sam set him in the passenger seat and when he sat down in the driver's Dean scooted over and buried his face in Sam's shoulder.

Tears fell all the grief poured out.

Why am I so sad and scared?

He looked up to see Sam's eyes bright as water trekked down his cheeks.

"I'm so sorry," his whisper barely audible.

Dean snuggled closer.

Sleep found him but this time it was different.

It felt different.

Like how sleep should feel.

This chapter was a little shorter then most of them.

I am suffering from a severe case of writers block and need to find a cure.

Reviews are much appreciated. ;}


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry, it took so long I have been so busy and I have been sick with this stomach bug which is more annoying then hurting. And docters appointment is a pain in the ass or should I say arm. Had to get 3 freaking shot. Couldn't help but tense each time she pulled out the evil knives. Never liked those things.

Anyway love reviews. If you review you're the most awesome people in the world.

Chapter 5

Grief can Kill

I scrub this bath,

from evil and reek.

With tears that fall

from my rosy cheek.

I scrub this bath,

from screams and holler.

But what do I care?

Why do I bother?

Dean stared blankly ahead as his brother's questions rammed into his side.

At his unableness to answer.

His tongue was thick in his mouth, and his jaw felt oddly shaped.

He looked in the mirror.

His face seems fine.

Dean grinned inwardly.

Of coarse it is it's always beautiful.

"Dean, why aren't you talking to me? Please I'm sorry."

He cast his empty eyes to the window.

Though his unfocused sight didn't make it passed the glass.

He just couldn't face that tear streaked facet.

"Oh, Dean. Please, please look at me. Oh God, this is my fault."

Sam choked on his words.

He could hears it in his little brother's throat.

And with that Dean's sense of control hid in a black hole.

He slowly turned his head to gaze at Sam.

But with no acknowledgement that he made any sense.

Because deep inside

he didn't.

I scrub this bath from evil and reek.

Sam watched in horror as his brother's eyes flickered from emerald green to animalized gold.

Dean's terrified gaze widened then dropped close.

Again rapidly turning into the monster that wasn't  
Dean.

Or that was what he kept telling himself.

Dean blinked and hissed at him.

And without another sound he leaped out the window.

Why the hell did I open that?

Sam followed Dan through the window and to the edge of the street.

He tracked his brother by the loud huffs and glinting eyes from the shadows of the abandoned buildings, an obvious result of a long ago fire, that lined the road.

He saw Dean wonder into a patch of light and then Dean spotted him and ran into a house.

Sam sped to the rotting doorway with a hand gliding instinctively by the gun that was tucked inside his jeans.

Can't use that.

Won't use that.

He slid into the room.

A low menacing growl pierced the silence.

Dean stalked out of the dark.

His muscled flexed as Dean prepared to fling himself at Sam.

Sam, out of pure habit, grabbed his gun and pointed it at Dean's heart.

Something flashed in his big brother's eyes.

Behind the murderous glare that this monster that held Dean always wore.

Hurt. Disbelief. Dread.

It was Dean's.

Fear crossed his visage.

He whimpered and scooted under the holey couch.

Grief caused him to get nauseated.

A bile rose in his throat and spilled over the floor. And then he pitched forward into darkness.

With tears that fall from my rosy cheeks.

He was awakened by the faintest "Help. Sam,"

Pain and confusion was uttered in the quiet cry.

"Dean?" He rasped, he held back a choking gurgle that yet again threatened to spill over his sour tasting lips.

The couch jerked in time with a loud 'bang' followed by a shrilled whimper of agony.

"Dean!" he quickly got up. Apparently too fast for his neck for he pulled a muscle right inside of it.

Sam growled and silently cursing himself as he reached out desperately in search for his brother.

I hope he's okay.

Please, don't be hurt.

Please, be okay.

He heard a small crack and a loud groan dripping with overflowing anguish.

"Sa-," blood splattered the ground as wet gurgling coughs erupted the air.

"Oh, God." Oh, God.

A fearful chirp clicked from under the couch.

"Dean, It's okay. I'm coming."

As he got closer he heard a panicked shuffling noices and the couch lifted a bit and slammed right back down.

A scream trailed only a second after.

Sam raised the worn furniture, and hauled it off his brother.

He saw Dean squint and winced when he noticed his older sibling's nose twisted awkwardly.

Blood smeared Dean's face and he gently cleaned it off with his sleeve.

His big brother stared up at him and with that same terrified look of hurt and sadness.

Dean squeezed his eyes shut.

Sam curled his arms around the crying hunter's shoulders.

Pulling him close he felt Dean shiver.

He could practically taste the gief and sorrow that poisoned the air.

Did I do this?

He regretted with every fiber in his body letting that gun touch the open air.

"Shh, Dean. Shhh, it's okay."

He spoke so softly.

Dean snuggled closer into his chest and clung on like a drowning man.

Oh, God. Something's wrong.

Sam's shirt began to wet as Dean wept against him.

"Dean, it's alright. It's okay. God, I'm sorry I'm so sorry."

He felt water soak his eyelashes too.

Dean cuddled into him more and started to calm.

"Come on Dean lets go," and he tried to get up.

Dean wouldn't let him.

"Dean, lets go."

His older brother whined like a lost puppy.

Bemusement warmed his mind.

"Dean? Can you walk?" Sam listened to Dean's grunt of pain.

Taking that as a no he picked Dean up and carried him back to the hospital.

He wasn't bringing him back to that room but instead back to the car so he could drive back to the motel.

It was too risky to go back.

And right now he didn't care about that.

I scrub this bath from screams and holler.

As he lowered Dean gently onto the seat Sam felt Dean shiver when he let go.

He walked quickly around the car and as soon as he sat down he was aware of a hard and warm weight.

Sam looked over to see Dean burying his face deep in his shoulder.

Sobs sent tremors again shaking through the older hunter's body.

The shirt around his shoulder became wet.

What did I do to you?

But what do I care?

Sam's eyes captured the road but he was long gone.

He was aware of the puffs of air flying from his brother's mouth deepening into sleep.

He tensed.

Thinking back to Dean's exhausted eyes fluttering close only to shoot right back open.

Hissing and snarling echoed in his head.

Realization struck him like the lightning that threatened to barrel down from the sky.

Every time he goes to sleep he becomes a monster.

No, not him. Dean is not a monster.

But he's asleep now, how come he hasn't turned.

Sam stared puzzledly at the trail of rock that seemed to stretch for forever.

Well, guess I'll need some quality time with my laptop.

Thunder grumbled angrily at him and the sky glared with fast white paws that lashed out at the ground.

He sighed, suddenly feeling as tired and exhausted as his heavily sleeping brother who was now sniffling through the fog that was oblivion.

Doesn't matter how close we are to the motel I'm tired now.

Sam pulled how and tried to settle without waking Dean.

And with a sleepy huff he fell.

Why do I bother?

Okay., again I am sorry for the long wait. Reviews are much needed to make me happy.


	6. Chapter 6

I am so sorry that I haven't been posting.

I have been very busy with school starting and everything.

I promise I will try and post sooner. Ok, well this one is kinda short but deal with it.

I would love some inspiration so if you have some ideas let me know.

I do not have a beta so all mistakes are mine.

Okay, here is chapter 6. Oh, and it may sound slashy but I promise it's just brotherly love.

Chapter 6

Look to Glory

Shoulders high and gave hope.

But it was I who held him the rope.

Sam felt tears well in his eyes.

Melancholy and self loathing teased his heart.

Dean, please look at me. I know I don't deserve favors but please.

His heart ached at the emptiness in his brother's gaze.

"Dean, why aren't you talking to me? Please, I'm sorry." Sam's voice cracked and shook.

Without a sign he knew his baby brother was there Dean just turned his blankness to the window.

Liquid scampered down his cheek, unable to hide the pain anymore.

I am such a horrible brother.

All the times he is strong for me and this one time I fail.

"Oh, Dean. Please, please look at me.

Oh, God this is my fault," Sam gurgled within his throat.

His older brother finally turned to look at him.

Dean's expressionless mask was replaced by a somewhat guarded countenance.

Sam almost gasped.

A barely visible but definitely there outline of evil gold that stole some of Dean's

jade green.

Shoulders high and gave hope.

Dean wasn't doing any better by the time they arrived back at the motel.

If not worse.

The only thing he would set his eyes on was Sam, and strait ahead.

Eyes always missing that cocky-smart ass sparkle.

But instead was stained with a grey dullness.

As if nothing mattered anymore.

As if he didn't care.

Dean never looked at him if he was speaking, only glances just to make sure he was still there.

Dean lead the way to the room,

Walking in almost robotic movements.

He tried to turn the knob before Sam could unlock it and started a panicked whine.

Sam quickly twisted the key and pushed through.

The older hunter ran to the bed and dove under the covers.

He peeked out to look at Sam.

The emotions were returning to his emerald gaze

It's just some of it wasn't Dean's.

He whimpered and reached out for him.

Sam felt hope flood his head only for fate to unplug the drain.

Dean's eyes held the protection, love, and determination that he always had.

Everything that he felt for Sam. Everything except recognization.

And what replaced it was confusion.

Sam sat near Dean's head. Afraid to touch him worried about what he would do. But Dean just reached out and buried his face into his chest.

The younger brother laid down and circled his big brother protectively with his arm.

Dean sighed as Sam ran his hand through his short blonde hair.

He closed his eyes and nodded off to sleep.

I've got to get you better Dean.

Scratch that I am. I will don't worry I promise.

Sam was starting to drift off himself when Dean suddenly began to shake and his eyelashes flicked Sam's shirt when they opened.

Dean started to shrill a quiet whimper.

Sam gripped Dean's shoulders tighter. The hair on the back of his neck pricked.

Then Dean mumbled the first word he said all day.

"No."

A breeze blew Sam's hair briefly from his now fully alert face only to fall right back to its place.

His big brother tried to bury deeper and was tremoring violently.

Sam turned his head to survey the room.

He was about to bring his attention back to Dean when something in the far corner caught his eye.

Icy blue orbs stared out at him from the darkness.

But refusing to manifest its whole self to the world.

A sharp intake of breath sliced the air.

A not unlike demon smoke, but instead of suffocating black it was threatening blue.

And with a deafening scream the smoke plunged into Dean.

Then everything just stopped.

Dean opened his eyes and were pure oceanic blue.

But it was I who held him the rope.

This again is one of the shorter chapters.

Writers block is seeming to make a permanent stain.

Need inspiration.

Writing random words help sometimes.

Reviews are much loved.

Thank you.


	7. Chapter 7

My writers block FINALLY went away right in the middle of this chapter so now I'm happy. :]

Chapter 7

With a Yawn comes Day

When things get tough go back to the start.

Dean maundered under his breath.

Breathing out a chilly breeze he started to speak.

"Sleep brings danger, terror, and fright.

Animals that tear come out from hide.

It's either he or them, It's your choice so choose right.

Beginnings are endings which I will bring.

Back to the start.

I choose, I choose you to see."

The voice was not Dean's.

It was ancient and mysterious.

And more like a woman's then anything.

"Stay away from him," Sam growled but wasn't capable of the full on glare that matched it.

It was wearing his brother, how could he throw hatred at his brother.

Then the blue faded from his eyes, leaving pure exhaustion to follow.

He fell back as his breathing deepened.

Sam sat up and laid his head on the head board. He wasn't going back to sleep tonight.

He had to keep watch over his brother tonight.

Sam, again surveyed the room as he sat guarding his sibling.

Nobody was getting to Dean again that night.

When things get tough

When Dean woke up he was at peace.

He felt normal, his jaw was set and his tongue was barely noticeable.

"Sam," he rumbled sleepily.

"Dean?!" Sam's voice was surprised with a hint of happiness.

He peeked his eyes open and squinted at the light.

Sam was beside him, propped up by the headboard.

The laptop was sitting on his knees, which made it obvious that he had been researching.

"Hey," he said rubbing his sore eyes and stretching.

Suddenly he feels himself being pulled into a warm, firm and cottony soft wall. It squeezed the breath right out of him with a gasp.

Patting Sam's back he wheezed "Sam, let go. Can't… breath."

The arms circled around him loosened but didn't retreat.

Sam inhaled deeply. "I'm sorry I won't do it again.

I promise."

"Do what?" Dean asked quizzedly.

Sam finally released him and gazed at him with tear bright eyes but he blinked and it disappeared.

He just swerved the question completely and went on.

"Do you feel okay?" The younger hunter questioned.

"I feel fine," Dean huffed deciding to talk about it later.

"What do you remember?"

"Oh, uh, well… I remember being in the hospital when…"

He glanced warily at Sam.

"Dean I know. I know about the woman in blue."

Dean immediately grew worried.

"She didn't hurt you did she?"

Sam looked at him and replied with a simple "No."

He sighed in relief. "So whatch'ya find out?"

"She is a god named Caeruleus.

She picks victims who 'hold promise.' Caeruleus takes all the sadness, madness and anger, you know, all the negative parts of your soul and twist them until they pop and flow. She takes apart of that person each time those feelings overflow.

This is usually triggered by memories or creates a path for her to find you.

She either knocks you out or waits for you to fall asleep.

The bouts only come then.

When you are out something not so you comes out to play.

And it says that if things get out of hand and the victim does not understand her needs that she picks the one closet to that person to help them understand. But if this happens the process has to start over."

"And I'm guessing this is you."

"Yup."

"Wow, and you got all that information by just knowing what she looks like?

All that just popped up." Dean puffed suspiciously.

Sam gave him a long side glance.

"I've gone through some stuff in the last few days to know a few things,"

He said.

"Okay, so don't let me go to sleep and figure out how to kill this bitch, he grinned and patted Sam's shoulder.

Getting up he cheerfully chirped "Now I'm starving."

Hearing Sam's frustrated sigh blend into a surprised "Dean!"

And he fell in a black night with the coppery tang of blood flooding his mouth.

Her hair danced in the wind as she skipped through the fiery fields, the tongues of agony and inaudible screams licked at her shoulders and waist. She continued her gallop as if in a blossoming meadow in the Spring to play catch with the sky. Stopping and turning her fiery blue gaze to him.

Dean saw the murderous fiend sneering in his face.

It was wearing the woman's face like a hat.

"It's a cruel world," she says.

And everything went dark.

Then he appeared walking on a beach. Caeruleus striding along side him, her hair still twirled and flipped in a breeze only she could feel. It flicked across her slender light brown face.

"Dean," her voice bellowed.

He glanced warily at her, she wore a very serene expression.

It calmed him.

"It has come the time to let you know as well," she looked ahead.

Dean couldn't seem to find his tongue so he was stuck listening to Caeruleus's deep purr.

"I have chosen you. You are brave, selfless, all I could ask for.

I do not like doing this. I don't,

But, you see I am cursed.

I get hungry. For power. But every few centuries, my love, my king death catches. Without my king, my people loose control. They don't listen and riot daily. And I have two choices, collect power to replace the king, or get a new one."

She paused and turned her piercing blue eyes back to Dean.

"Apart of my curse is my selfishness. I can usually contain and hide it. But and my people grow very hungry.

I'm sorry. But it will either be you or the village or… town you have made your stop in. I have told your blood the same but he is very stubborn. He will not let go.

It is now up to you."

For a second. For just one second. He saw the one who wanted it to end.

The one who wouldn't ask for this.

The one in his first dream.

But it was beyond reach.

Dean's tongue found it's place and opened his mouth to speak but Caeruleus beat him to it.

"Do not choose yet. I will not listen to it now anyway. You need time to think I understand.

Choose well."

And once again he faded into nothing.

Light suddenly lit through his eye lids.

Dean was breathing heavily, as if he had just been running a marathon, and there was a sharp pain on the side of his face.

Opening his eyes he found Sam in a chair gazing of into space with his features scrunched up in frustration and concern.

Then Dean noticed the brightness.

Crap back in the hospital.

"Sm," he mumbled drowsily and soon remembered.

'When you fall asleep something not so you comes out to play.'

"Sam!" Dean almost groaned. His brother's arm was wrapped in a bandage again.

"What happened? I did that didn't I?"

He heard the beeping on the monitor increase.

"Dean, calm down. Please, I'll figure it out. I promise," Sam gave his word.

"But right now you need to calm down."

Dean gave him a sad look.

And he took a breath to begin to explain.

Go back to the start.


	8. Chapter 8

Okay, just so you know this is NOT the last chapter.

Reviews inspire me to write better and are much appreciated.:D

Chapter 8

Sorry, Sammy

Sam looked down.

His eyes blurry with the tears that their undesirable confab came with

We don't have much time. Especially with Dean, I know exactly what he'll choose. All he needs to do is lose hope.

Which I think has already been taken.

"Dean, we have time. I can fix this," he told his brother pleadingly.

"What time? I don't think we can all make it out of this one Sam," the older hunter's voice was as cold as icicles hanging from tree limbs in February.

"Please, Dean. Just don't give up yet. Give me more time. I'll figure this out. I will. I promise," Sam hopefully peered back up at his brother's solemn expression.

"Okay, but it'll just be an aimless search," Dean met his eyes and sighed.

"I have to try," Sam uttered tremulously.

Huffing he stood from his chair to leave.

"Sam, just don't get your hopes up, that's all."

Sam just briefly cast his gaze to Dean and left.

I have to save him.

I can't lose him again.

I can't.

Stubborn jerk won't even try.

Sometimes I hate that selflessness of his.

Opening the door to the Impala he slid in and onto the seat.

I hope I'm not too late.

And he drove back to the motel.

Sam sat on his bed, eyes intent on the computer screen.

So far he had gotten nothing. Only all the things he already had knowledge of came to the screen.

He began to doubt that he would ever find anything.

'No' he told himself.

'Do not give up. You have to save Dean.'

Then he started up the search again.

And after two hours of worthlessness "Okay, I'm not going to find much here," he mumbled, closing his laptop.

He decided to head over to the library instead.

Luckily the library was only a few blocks away, he would have walked but he was in an awful hurry so he drove instead.

Hopping out of the car he scurried through the glass door.

Sam then headed over the fiction section.

Lets see what we can find here.

Dean knew what would happen.

He knew exactly what would happen.

Sam wouldn't find a single damn thing.

He was going to have to choose, one way or another.

He'd already chosen actually. She knew his choice, he had told her.

Caeruleus has at least allowed him to say goodbye to his brother first.

He really didn't understand what was going to happen. Only that it was.

Sighing he glanced at the clock.

I wish Sam would just hurry the hell up, I just want this to be over with already.

The levee set between him and the queen's kingdom was cracking. He had to use all of his willpower to keep it from blemishing it's face furthermore.

Hurry Sammy.

Sam sighed dreadfully as he drove back to the hospital.

Something has happened, I know it has.

Thinking that, he leaned more on the gas petal and sped off.

The sky was a vivid bubbly blue and the birds sang as they chased eachother in the fields of grass.

How can life go on so happily when Dean is laying in a hospital bed choosing whether or not to kill himself.

But that's what life does doesn't it? Just goes on while yours is begging for mercy.

Yea, if Dean died Sam's life would go on.

His heart would keep beating, his lungs would still allow inhales and exhales to pass his lips.

But his mind and soul would be forever stuck in that hospital.

Stuck in the replay of his brother's last breath.

With the stench of death still lingering in his nose.

His big brother's death.

And his eyes never leaving the dull gaze of Dean's emerald color gone dark.

Sam's jaw clenched at that thought.

No not an option.

That will never happen.

Not again and not while I'm around.

Even the thought of Dean lying in a hospital bed brought tears to his eyes.

His big brother, always so full of life. Smiling more then not.

Always trying to lighten the mood.

He remembered that job with the Seven Deadly Sins.

Dean's outburst of unnecessary cheer. We all thought he was crazy [though we're not wrong] but he was just trying to cheer us up.

Trying to stay positive in the darkest of times.

Even his mask he puts on when he's about to meet Death is laughter.

No matter how black the situation Dean always had a way to make Sam smile.

Huffing as the hospital came into view he pulled into the parking lot and parked inside a space.

Gazing up as the hospital he sighed.

"I hate hospitals." Ha, I sound a little like Dean there.

Slowly and quietly he slipped out of the car and through the clear automatic door.

Then he made his way to the lady at the desk.

Dean's hands trembled with effort.

"Please, just a little longer," his plea came out a shaky whisper.

He was so caught up in sealing the chinks in the wall he didn't hear Sam enter the room.

"Dean, what's wrong?" Sam's concerned visage appeared in front of his desperate.

He smiled in relief.

"Heya,' Sammy," his whisper quivered.

Suddenly he heard quiet whispy breaths blanketing around him.

I'm falling.

Afraid it's too late for me Sam.

Dean realized the wall would crumble soon. Even if he put up the fight of his life it would crumble

so,

he let go.

At once the trembling ceased and darkness crowded the edges of his vision.

Exhaling deeply and closing his eyes he pointed his face towards the ground.

Looking back up at Sam he serenely said "I have to go."

Sam just stared at Dean as his eyes became duller. Horror freezing him to the spot.

"Sam?"

That single syllable sent him flying to his knees, pleading, and sobbing until he was all out of breath and tears.

"Shh, Sam. It's okay. It's okay. Your okay. You'll be okay," Dean tried to sooth but he knew he would fail miserably.

"I can't lose you again," Sam exhaled weakily.

"Looks like you don't have a choice," Dean's eyes became more and more unfocused as he lifted his hand and it came to rest on Sam's shoulder.

"Dean, no. Please, give me more time.

Can't lose you again. Can't live without you."

"Sorry, Sammy," the hand resting on shoulder fell limply and Dean slackened and relaxed.

His head dropped and lay sideways.

His grey eyes gazed sightlessly at him.

Again this is not the last chapter.

This isn't wincest it's just brotherly love.

Love reviews and tell me how if you liked it or advice is loved and appreciated too.

I have no beta.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

My Big Brother is Dead

The next few agonizing moments came as a blur.

He could practically hear his num heart pumping through his ears and all he wanted was for it to just stop.

As Sam tried to process what had just happened, people rushed around him, crowding his big brother's bed.

Some began to tug at his arms.

And refusing he jerked back. He couldn't just leave Dean like this. Sam knew he had to save him.

The pulling increased the more he struggled, as his arm flew backwards he felt his forearm being sliced on the sharp metal edge of a side-stand.

Pain laced up his arm and truth was; he liked it.

Looking at the doctors and nurses that willed him to leave Dean behind, then Sam's fist met flesh when his anger and grief finally flooded his sanity.

Teeth scraped his knuckles, cutting and making crimson ink drip and drop onto the pale tile floor, bathing it in red horror.

Sam simply laughed at his own discomfort. A thoroughly frustrated nurse swiftly picked up a syringe and jabbed it into his bicep.

Right away helplessness and anger swarmed his thoughts.

Sam was already uncounsious when his head slammed against the hard stone floor.

Light suddenly illuminated the darkness in which he was trapped in.

Sam's eyes fluttered open only to be shut tightly again at the bright glow shining vividly into his face.

Knowledge of the grief filled events flooded back into his mind. struggling to stand he realized he had been restrained. Panic brought Sam to resort to tugging and pulling franticly at the ragged cloth.

"No! No! Dean!" He screamed, his head thrashing from side to side.

Soon finding his struggles to be useless he lay crying and wailing like a sick, injured dieing animal.

Tears leaked constantly down his sticky and puffy cheeks, which skin was too warm and tan for his liking. The wish for death, the wish for following Dean was strong, but the need for his brother's breath was much greater.

It' not too late. I can get him back.

A nurse cautiously entered the room. Tiptoeing over to his bed she removed the restrains.

As soon as the cloths rugged embrace left his aching skin he asked "Where's my brother?"

Sitting up he stared down at the tiled floor.

"Still laying in his room. We were wating for you, sir," the nurse explained emotionlessly. The sympathy painted upon her tan visage told otherwise.

Deeply abhoring that sympathy, he glared. Sam didn't want it, it only reminded him of the whole reason it was there in the first place. And right now he just wanted to beat that look right off of her face.

But that wouldn't help with getting Dean back.

"My big brother is dead," Sam whispered softly. Keeping his eyes glued to the ground as all the memories of Dean flashed before his eyes.

The Impala, Dean's smile, his laugh.

That big brother look Dean always wore when Sam misbehaved as a child, piggy-back rides. The 4th of July, and lastly: him and Dean bellowing in laughter with an arm slung over eachother's shoulder.

Fading back into reality, Sam found himself staring down at Dean's face. His feet had carried him to his brother's room though his mind had not registered.

Dean could have thought to be sleeping but the paleness powdering his face gave way to the fact that there was no Dean there to sleep.

His pallor took on a slightly blue tint. His eyes had never been closed and were still staring dully into the sky. They were no longer that bright emerald green, always holding the crinkle of a smile on it's edges.

Now there was nothing but darkness.

Sam sat it a white hospital chair, he flinched realizing Dean's skin almost matched the hard plastic surface.

Sam exhaled, his tremulous huff of air disapeared quickly as an intake prepared himself for the hard sobs to follow.

Suddenly the room filled with Wintery breaths and ice started to creep up the stainless walls. Their icy trendles reached out to him, trying to take him. And without anyhting but a calm countanance and a willing soul he stepped forward. Just as the long crystal lymbs reached him "Come," whispered out of the frozen cave and with that Sam fell inyo it's arms.

The night swallowed him whole and he floated into it's evil, dark and mysterious clutches. Then Sam was sucked into a light filled cave. Shimmering blue skies as dark as ink, while snow white stars sparkled in it's beauty. Sam was so mezmorized by the sight he barely noticed the woman with the hair that held the night and the dress that carried the sea.

Who he knew to be Caeruleus. His eyes hardened at the sight of her. Hatred burning fiercely at the one who stole his brother from the world.

Gently slowing to a stop at the queens feet, chin that was proudly held up, was lowered to solemnly gaze at his shady face.

"I understand and apologize that the fairwell given was not proper and my king wishes to see you."

King?

His brow crinkled in confusion.

What king? Is there something I missed?

Caeruleus swished her hand gracefully through the delicious air and he suddenly appeared in a hallway, deep blue ribbon leaving a trail, leading to a large stone door.

Nervously, Sam silently on hunter's feet, crept over to the rock heavy door and pushed through.

Bright light luminated through the crack then widened until he was captured by the brightness.

Sam's gaze trickled slugishly down to where the rest of the ribbon lead.

There were two chairs that held the stars of the night skies outside.

And standing there, not making a single noise, was a man with his back faceing Sam.

The man whirled around, and Sam's eyes widened in suprise and disbelief.

Standing there, with deep royal blue eyes and a long silky suite, was his big brother, Dean.

Okay, so I just started this thing at home [proves just how crazy I am about Supernatural] it's like my own hunter's journal and I like put a whole lot of info on monsters and urban legends from the show and off because actually the monsters on Supernatural are like real myths and stuff but anyway I just thought it be really cool if I could get other people to do stuff like that too so yea, that means that I am asking you to make a hunter's journal of your own. I just thought it'd be fun sooo, tell me if you really do decide to make one though.

Reviews much loved.


	10. Chapter 10

This chapter is going to be like SUPER short. I just got like really bored with nothing to do and thought 'Why don't you just write another chapter' so here i am. So yea you know i am like a music FREAK and my little sister just stole my friggin radio so now when i am done with this am going to go kick her ass [evil grin.] Wish me luck. Oh and it just hit me, i would so totally be Dean between me and my sister. I have more incommin with Dean and Sam with her. I mean except the sacrificial and really nice stuff Sam does, Hunter is just a jerkface. And by the way I am oldest. If you have a brother or sister you should totally try to see which is which.

It's kinda fun when you don't have crap else to do. And Kelsey I actually am doing some wincest [sorry don't really like Destiels] but i need to get some other fics out of my chest and into the air 1st.

Chapter 10

I Belong Here

"Sammy," Dean breathed, looking fondly at his little brother.

Sam was truly speechless as he took a step forward. He kept blinking, with his mouth standing agape. When he finally found his

tounge the stuttering still followed. "DDean?" Tears tears mixed and blended the blues that flowed around the room. Createing a symphony of oceans and skies.

Dean's blue eyes glowed as they mirrored his. Walking over to where the tall man was frozen, he reached out to Sam's face. Sam searched his brother's pure blue orbs and what he found almost brought a cascade to rain upon his red cheeks. There, clear as day, was fear, despair, and pleading. The man was begging for mercy and release, release from his violet colored jail cell. The emotions were so strong he almost crumbled in the sorrow that ran freely in his brother's eyes.

Dean was asking for him to save him.

No doubt would be found once you gazed into those bottomless pools.

Dean may not [probably, more then likely] even know he was asking. But Sam now had his mind souly set on it.

Getting his big brother out, and he doesn't care how long it takes. He hadn't remember closing his eyes nor turning his head but when he again opened them he saw Dean.

Dean's face was stained and sticky. Water trailing water trailing lazily down his cheeks. He appeared so totally lost and broken, Sam heart shattered right there and then, into a million pieces.

"Sam, I'm sorry..." Dean was suddenly interruped by a gust of wind, chilling the night air, sending the curtains, hanging off the windows, flying.

Dean's expression then suddenly blanked. He stared over Sam's head at nothing in particular. "But this is my home now. It is where I belong," Dean loudly announced, all his hollow feelings forgotten.

"It is where I will stay."


	11. Chapter 11

'

Chapter 11

Everything Will be Alright

Sam stared into the thick black space that seperated the Impala from the snot colored motel. 'How am I supposed to save him? He's a king, and Caeruleus is not going to make it easy. Wait...King...KING, it's what I've been missing. It's not that there is no solution. It was me not looking in the right place.'

Sam's head shot up, banging it loudly on the roof of the car. But again, Dean was not there to laugh or tease his little brother, oh how Sam wished he could here Dean's lighthearted, cocky, teasing voice, a usual constant in his life. But, he couldn't hear it. The night was empty so, all he could do then was grin at the prisoner pounding on it's cell , which just happened to be his head. Sam swung the door wide and hard, in which would guarentee a bitchy Dean if he were here, and leaped out of the car and sprinted tp there room.

Even before his brain could register, he was gazing at the blindingly blue screen of his loading computer.

Starting up and preparing for research he mumbled absentmindedly "Well, lets get started," and clicked search.

Sam sat driving in the driver's seat, Dean's seat. It would always be Dean's seat. No matter how many times Sam drives or insists that it's there car so it is both of theres it will always be Dean's. And Sam isn't sure if he'd ever want to sit here again. Because it seems that almost everytime he sets foot in this side of the car something bad has or will happen. There was that time when Dean got electrocuted with that Rawhead, and when dad died in that car wreck, Sam had been driving both of those times. And don't forget that time with the Trickster, watching Dean die over and over again. And that was the bright side of the story at least Sam got to see him after each death, alive and breathing. But after that last time Sam had to drive alone besides sitting in the drivers seat the worst part was being alone.

And it scared him.

But now praying that this ritual would be the solution was his only option, and so now he pray. Sam glanced over to the passenger seat at the that held all he needed for the battle that was building. He had found a ritual that gives him a fair chance of defeating the queen, it was an easy spell really all he needed was poppyseed, blood, thyme and a piece of the person doing the ritual. Sam had used his hair and all he needed to do now was get back to Dean before midnight. This ritual sent him back to the queen's kingdom with the only weapon with the capability to kill her, a lightning bolt. It could only equip him with five bolts so he had to make sure every single one counted.

Thinking back to when he visited Caeruleus's world Sam remembered Dean's face before he sent him back to reality and shivered. It was pain, the kind the worst kind of torture brought as the aftermath.

'This has to work. It just has to. I don't know what i'd do without him.'

Pulling into the lot Sam burst through the doors and made his way to Dean's room. His eyes fixed forward, never wavering or leaving their destination. He could have made it with his eyes closed for the permenant marking of when and where exactly Dean had taken his last breath of air was planted in his brain. His brother's death beds, each and every one would forever haunt his dreams.

Scampering into the room he closed the door and sat the bowl of ingredients down on the floor.

Sam broke out the book of latin, he then started chanting, rambling, the language spilling easily of his tongue.

He felt power, energy build up inside him, starting deep in his chest and flowing to the palms of his hands.

Grabbing Dean's cold, limp hand, he placed it on the bowl, Sam's pool of blood shimmering at the bottom dappling the lifeless hunter's fingertips.

The wind picked up. Blowing, screaming past his ears. Still, Sam remained planted. He closed his eyes as he ranted the last words of the ritual.

Soon the wind seemed to cannon through the room, he could only hear and feel it whistling around him. Only he stayed firmly glued to the ground. And then, abruptly, the whirling vortex of wind stopped.

Slowly blinking his eyes open he then found himself standing face to face with a very surprised Dean.

"Sam!" Dean gasped. "What are you doing here? Sam, your eyes!" And Sam snapped his eyes over to the giant glass mirror hanging on the left wall.

Sam's eyes were bluish white with little balls of light constantly moving within them. A sort of static color if there is such thing.

"Why is he here?" The words shreeked eerily into the room. Spinning around he caught sight of Caeruleuss, her blue eyes blazed in icy pools of angery fire.

"Urrraaaaahh," her outraged cry echoed the room as she charged at the intruder, her hair flying in all directions.

Anger and hatred filled him with rage as well, howling at her enormity he flung his arm up and pointed his palm at the queen's head.

Bolts of electricity shot from each finger to the other. And with a flick of his wrist a bolt flew from his hand and hitting her square in the chest.

She squaled in pain and was thrown backwards into the mirror, shattering it's glassy visage.

Crimson rivers streamed after her body, which slid roughly down the broken glass.

Caeruleus then stood, glass chips that stood out from her back fell with a mighty clamor.

"How dare you?" She screamed, throwing herself at his outstretched hand.

Sam's eyes widened in astoundment and shot another bolt. It flung itself right to where he aimed but, unfortunately, that was a good inch beside her.

The lightning wooshed past her and into the remaints of the mirror, destroying the last of its beauty.

A growl bubbled up in the back of his throat, a sign of sheer frustration for he wanted this bitch dead at his heels.

And he wanted it now.

The last bolt that hit her had left her quite weak and differed her appearence.

Caeruleus's hair was singed at the ends and and was hinted with bleach dye.

Her once beautiful blue eyes were now deathly lightened to an ice blue in obvious slight blindness.

The queen laughed triumphantly at the sound, knowing all too well what it was. "Going to have to try harder then that, pretty boy."

"Oh, you bet I will," Sam replied dryly. He quickly flicked his wrist, shooting yet another bolt from his palm.

Getting the queen by utter surprise it knocked her right in the head.

Caeruleus cried of shock and pain, falling to her knees in a praying gesture.

Now her hair and eyes were coldly white, and she crawled forward only to fall flat on her stomach.

She began to drag herself in desperation to escape her blood-thirsty pursuer. For it was true, he would be forever thirsty for the sight of the blue queen's blood spilling constantly, creating a poolof the heartless sympathy in which he had never once recieved from her.

Then he, achingly slow, walked over to her head. Senseing his presence she tremulously lifted her head to sightlessly gaze his way.

"Please," Caeruleus begged for the nearly impossible mercy.

"I'm sorry," Sam told her. He raised his hand and aimed it between her eyes.

A sob broke from her frail cracked lips, tears started to pour, and she closed her eyes tightly and bowed her head.

And with a sickening buzz the queen slackened and lay dead at his feet. Her head rolled until it thumped against his foot.

And he doesn't complain because this is what he'd wished for.

'One bolt left,' he thought.

'This is the worst part.'

Sam had one bolt left, as planned.

He had been dreading this moment since he set foot in this blue wasteland.

Walking over to Dean, who now lay slumped against the stairs.

Dean looked up at Sam and his expression grew grim. "Sam," he whispered, quickly standing. "Dean, I'm sorry," his own tears built up in his eyes. "But it's the only way," Sam tried desperately explaining in fear that Dean would would hate him forever though he already knew he would never. And most of all he didn't ever want Dean to fear him.

A tear rolled franticly down his red sweaty cheek.

"I'm so sorry Dean. I wouldn't do this if I didn't have to."

"Sammy sshhh, I understand," and the older brother's eyes proved it.

Sam, for the final time, aimed the strike for Dean's heart and with a flick Dean jolted forward. Convusling and choking on his own spit as foam spirted from his mouth.

With an abrupt stop he lay still. His countanence still frozen in white agony.

Dean Winchester lay dead at his little brother's feet once again.

And this is something he would never wish for.

And this was the last image and thought Sam saw and heard before his whole world went black.

Sam sat in the same position in the hospital chair the first time Dean lost the priviledge to breath.

Now he sat waiting for him to earn it back.

He stared unblinking at Dean's chest.

A promise not to miss the first breath Dean took on the way back to the world.

Sighing he finally looked towards the window.

Which is the exact reason he missed Dean's returning breath.

But he didn't really think much of it because his heart filled with joy when he heard

"Sammy?"

Looking back at Dean's very much confused face, he then knew, gazing at his big brother's pink flushed cheeks he wore along with his bewilderment.

Knew that everything would be okay.

The End

Okay, I wasn't really pleased with this story because honestly writer's block is a bitch.

And a heads up for upcomeing wincest. And I just thought it'd be fun for once a week you guys could give me an idea or topic for a story [as long as it's Supernatural] and I'll do a one-shot of the best one.

Just an idea.

I crave reviews so tell me what you think of it, don't be to harsh plz.


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